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Leg Post 111
Leg Post 111 continues the Moses narrative of the Greek Legends Story Arc, wherein Ozymandias is disturbed from his work with the arrival of Moses. Initially, Ozymandias doesn't believe that this is truly Moses as he should have died, but when Moses admits he had help from a woman, referring to his wife Zipporah, he agrees he must be Moses after all, to be saved by a female. When Harem Girl #34 chastises him for being a jerk, Harem Girl #12 tries to get her to be silent. Ozymandias is glad that Moses is back, so he can help him with projects, but he grows annoyed with the constant talking of Harem Girl #34. He remembers her number, which shocks Harem Girl #12, because he has to tell her to shut up all day long. She refuses to be called Harem Girl #34, but is Maathorneferure. He offers her as a sex object to Moses, who refuses on the grounds of being in love with his wife. She protests at every moment, but the pharaoh derides her, angry that he has to tolerate her and Sauda. When he speaks of Sauda, Moses wants to know why he kept someone so dangerous around. He admits that Sauda is even more dangerous than he ever suspected, powered by magic and the religious cult she has. Moses then admits that he won't stay, much to Ozymandias' disappointment, but that he wants his people, the Hebrews, to be released from slavery. He offers to deal with Sauda for Ozymandias, in return for his people's freedom, which Ozymandias agrees to. Post Reunited Brothers Guard: “Sire, this man says he knows you.” The pharaoh looked up from his newest blueprints to frown. Ozymandias: “And you thought that was enough of a reason to let him in here? You really think he knows me?” Guard: “I said that, Sire. But he insisted he definitely knows you.” Ozymandias: “Again, do you really think that is true?” Guard: “And I said that too, but he said he definitely absolutely knows you.” Ozymandias: “And that was enough?” Guard: “No, Sire! I insisted that was not enough, but he said he definitely, absolutely, pinky-swears that he knows you!” Ozymandias: “Oh, well, if he pink-swore it must be true, right!?” Guard: “If you say so, Sire. But I did not believe him.” Ozymandias: “And yet…” Guard: “He said he definitely, absolutely, pinky-swears and crosses his heart, Sire!” Ozymandias: “… how long does this go on for?” Guard: “Sire?” Ozymandias: “Who the hell are you? If you’re here to try to sell me clothes that only wise men can see, I shall offer you this pineapple that you can shove up your—” Moses: “It’s me!” Ozymandias: “Oh, yes! That has cleared everything up!” Moses: “You’re being sarcastic, aren’t you?” Ozymandias: “Name!” Moses: “I’m your brother, Moses!” Ozymandias: “What!?” Ozymandias looked properly at the bearded man before him. Ozymandias: “Y-you’re alive!? I don’t believe it!” Moses: “Yes, I finally came to visit!” Ozymandias: “No, I actually mean it. I don’t believe you. My Moses would never have survived on his own. He was too soft. If you are Moses, you had help!” Moses: “Uh, well, I suppose I did. I met a woman…” Ozymandias: “Now I know you’re telling the truth. Only Moses would need to be saved by a woman!” To Moses, Ozymandias had hardly changed at all. His face was as smooth and chiselled as his statues. Moses wondered if Ozymandias appeared this way in his previous life, or if this is a whole new body for him. He became aware that he, by comparison, looked weathered and old. He tried to smooth his beard a little. Ozymandias: “Well, you’ll be happy to know that I won the pool then!” Moses: “Pool?” Ozymandias: “There were bets on how long you’d survive. And here you are, all these years later! Seems I won!” Moses: “There was a bet on how soon I’d die? Great. Well, at least you believed in me.” Ozymandias: “Yes. I had reckoned on a whole week before we found your carcass. I was the one with the longest survival time, so I win by default.” Moses: “Oh…” Harem Girl #34: “By the gods, you’re a jerk.” The brows of Ozymandias fell low on his face, but he didn’t turn around to look at the woman behind him. Ozymandias: “Did I hear a woman dare to open her stupid yap just now?” The second woman, who was holding a leaf fan, shook her head, panicking, at the first woman who had spoken. The woman, who was holding a bowl of grapes, pursed her lip but glared at the back of the king’s skull. Ozymandias: “It’s good you’re back, brother.” He grinned and wrapped an arm around Moses’ shoulders and Moses felt a warmth in his heart. He loved his wife and his family in Midian, but the affection of an old sibling, someone he grew up with, poured into his very being. Ozymandias: “I need someone around here that isn’t a complete waste of space.” Moses: “Just a bit of a waste of space?” Ozymandias: “Exactly! Harem Girl #34: “I think that’s the nicest thing he’s ever said to anyone.” Ozymandias actually gave a growl. Ozymandias: “Was that the twittering of a female? A harem girl at that?” Harem Girl #34: “I am not--!” Harem Girl #12: “Hush! Don’t get me into trouble again!” Ozymandias: “I hope your vagina doesn’t give you this much trouble, Moses.” Moses: “I don’t have a va—oh, you mean my wife.” Harem Girl #34: “Asshole.” Moses: “I love my wife very much.” Ozymandias: “Of course you do. And you, being you, you probably mean it! Unlike most men, who actually just tolerate their wives.” Moses: “You know, you’re even worse with this than when I left. Were you killed by a woman in your past life?” Ozymandias: “Oh right, because I need justification for my actions. I must have been traumatised, it’s the only explanation! Here’s the real explanation, Moses. Listen carefully…” Moses, curious, leaned in. Ozymandias: “Women are utterly pointless.” Moses rolled his eyes. Ozymandias: “They’re baby-makers. That’s all. Now, can we please get on with some cool stuff? I’ve been planning these statues to the gods that will definitely earn me massive kudos points in the underworld.” Harem Girl #34: “Because the gods will accept your bribes, I’m sure.” Ozymandias: “You do realise that the pharaoh is not bound by the laws of Egypt, woman? So, if I stab this guard’s spear in your eye, no one will protest. In fact, they may even commend me on my technique.” Harem Girl #34: “Well, that’s the only spear you’ll ever get near me.” Ozymandias: “You think I want my spe—my penis anywhere near you!? You’re like a damned, chattering squirrel in my ears! Chitter-chitter-chitter-chitter!” He tapped his fingers against his thumbs like a couple of talking mouths. Ozymandias: “It’s a none stop assault on my brain with your incessant whining.” Moses: “Um… hello, my name’s Moses.” Ozymandias: “What’re you doing, Moses? Don’t talk to her! Harem Girl #34, stop talking to us and peel those bloody grapes! That’s the only reason you’re here!” Harem Girl #12 gasped. Harem Girl #12: “You remembered her number!” Ozymandias: “Of course I do! I have to shout it at her all damn day! She won’t shut up!” Harem Girl #34: “I am not Harem Girl #34!” Ozymandias waggled a finger at her. Ozymandias: “Oh yes you are! Don’t think you can try to pass the blame to one of the others. I know you damned number now!” Harem Girl #34: “My name is Maathorneferure!” Everyone winced with pain. Harem Girl #34: “It’s my name!” Moses: “Ma’at horny furry urry?” The woman looked wounded, as though struck by the hundredth arrow. He tried to wave his hands at her; Moses: “I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I can try again! Matt horn effer urs! Maa horsey farts—no, no, that wasn’t it.” Ozymandias: “Why are you bothering to apologise to her, Moses? She’s a woman. They cry. It’s what they do. I thought you’d have grown some balls since having a wife under you. But, I suppose this is you. Soft-bellied, to this day. Do you want her?” Moses: “What!?” Ozymandias: “This annoying chipmonk. I wouldn’t give one of my whores to just anyone, you know?” Harem Girl #34: “I am not--!” Moses: “No! I have a wife!” Ozymandias frowned at Moses, trying to figure that out. Ozymandias: “So?” Moses: “I’m married. I’m not pharaoh.” Ozymandias: “I wasn’t suggesting you marry the clod!” Harem Girl #34: “I will not--!” Moses: “No, no! I love my wife! She’s the only woman for me!” Harem Girl #12: “Awww, so sweet!” From the distance, a guard could be heard; Guard: “Ha, gaaaaaaaaay!” Moses: “Like we haven’t heard that joke a million times over.” Ozymandias: “Okay, fine. You don’t want her. Shame. Might have shut her up for a while. If she wasn’t so good at peeling grapes, I’d have her bound and gagged in the harem chambers.” Harem Girl #34: “You’d probably like that, you sick—” Ozymandias: “Anyway, let’s get you some chambers. If you want your wife up here, I suppose I’ll allow it. So long as she doesn’t babble on all the time. Between this pest and Sauda, my life is filled with annoying tits!” Moses: “I see what you did there.” Ozymandias: “Clever, wasn’t it?” Moses: “I’m surprised Sauda is still here. You said she was dangerous…” Ozymandias: “Yes she is. More than I ever realised. Which is why she’s still here. If you think this one is bad—” He jerked a thumb over his shoulder at the angry woman, who barred her teeth at his back. Ozymandias: “Then you’ll be in for a shock with Sauda. She hasn’t changed. At all. Not a single blemish. Magic. And she has total sway over the religious cult. I’m a religious man, Moses, but she has this army of zealots. An entire harem of her own! Just without the sex. Instead, it’s lots of weird rituals. Which often seem to be about sex, but they’re about the gods. I don’t even know where to begin.” Moses: “Can’t you do something about her?” Ozymandias: “You mean, like— cccccchurk?” He drew his thumb along his throat. Ozymandias: “Too powerful. Her weirdo priests will protect her to the death. I’ve tried many times already.” Moses: “I didn’t mean exactly that, but okay…” Ozymandias: “Forget her. Let her have her lesbian orgies, or whatever she’s doing.” Harem Girl #34: “You’d like that too, you—” Harem Girl #12: “Hush!” Ozymandias: “Let me show you my plans and we can get some work done! Finally, brothers united!” Moses felt guilt well within him. Moses: “I’m sorry, brother. That’s not why I’m here.” Ozymandias: “If you came for the wedding to Harem Girl #34, you missed it. But that’s okay, you’re here now. So, what’s the problem?” Moses: “I mean, I won’t be staying.” Ozymandias: “Seriously? You found somewhere better to live than here in Thebes?” Moses: “I mean… I’m here to set my people free.” Ozymandias: “… I hope you’re not talking about my harem?” The harem girls perked up with interest. Moses: “No.” They deflated. Harem Girl #34: “Figures.” Moses: “The Hebrew people. The slaves that Egypt took from Israel lands. My god’s chosen people.” Silence washed over the room. Ozymandias: “You… want me to free my Hebrew slaves?” Moses: “Yes.” Ozymandias: “Because they’re… chosen people of the gods?” Moses: “Of Yahweh, yes.” Ozymandias: “I guess you didn’t come back entirely sane. I think it still counts though. I still win the pool. You are alive, anyway.” Moses: “Ozy…” Ozymandias: “What’s in this for me, hum? You show up, after all this time, not to help me build Egypt but to steal my property. Why? Why should I do this for you? You are alive because of me, did you forget that? I treated you like my brother, and this is what you repay me with?” Moses: “I can… I will deal with Sauda for you.” The king was taken aback. Ozymandias: “How?” Moses: “My business. But if I do it, you’ll let my people go?” Ozymandias: “… okay. What the heck. It’ll be entertaining to watch her blast you into pieces. I promise, it’ll be a nice funeral.” Moses: “Thanks…” Ozymandias: “You’re welcome. In fact, I’m going to design your tomb right now. Better get it finished before you’re dead tomorrow.” Category:Post Category:Leg Post